In the End
by Swirly Head
Summary: I know everyone and their uncle's monkey has written a post-Gift fic...this one has a little twist. It's Buffy's final letters to her friends. All of her final letters, Season 1 - Season 5.


I know that every fanfic writer has probably done one of these by now, but I   
wanted to do one…so here it is. Sorry for the boredom!  
  
  
In the End  
  
  
Only to be opened in the event of my death, by Giles. I mean, Giles open it, not   
Giles' death. This is by Buffy. Glad we cleared that up.  
  
To everybody  
  
I don't want to be morbid. Okay, I realise that in doing this, even thinking about   
doing this, I've become the embodiment of morbidity, but there we go. I haven't   
known you for very long, but we've been closer in this year than I've allowed   
myself to be to anyone, since I became what I am. The Slayer.   
  
I meant every word I said earlier, I don't want to die. I'm only sixteen, and I don't   
want to die yet. But if I have to, if I'm meant to, then that's what I have to do.   
God, this doesn't sound right! I've never been good at writing letters, and I hope   
no-one has to read this. It probably sounds lame and too melodramatic, but then   
I suppose my life is melodramatic! More melodramatic than anyone else's I   
know…except maybe for you guys. For the record I'm sorry I dragged you all into   
this…but I'm not sorry about anything else that's happened this past year.  
  
For the first time in my life I've had real friends. Not friends who judge me on the   
colour of my hair, the cut of my clothes, the four inch heels I decide not to wear. I   
mean, killer heels are fine for like the Bronze and stuff but…okay, off the point   
slightly. What I mean is, you accept me for what I am. Weird. And you let me   
come, with all my weirdness and make your lives weird too. So Xander,   
Willow…you're my best friends. The best friends I've ever had.  
  
Giles. I know I'm not exactly the serious, bookworm Slayer you would have   
wanted. And I know that I've been a bit of a burden. A big, enormous, elephant   
sized burden. But you've been there for me, and you've helped me to see that   
this is something I have to do. It's my duty. Even if you don't want me to do it, it's   
my duty.  
  
One more person. Angel. You don't know how much you mean to me. I can't   
really put it into words, but I guess you know. I hope you do. Angel, you're the   
first person I've loved. You understand me better than anybody. I love you, and I   
wish…I wish we could have been forever. Wow, emotional breakdown here!   
Ignore the tearstains…  
  
Please don't show this to my mom or Dawn. I don't want them to know about my   
being the killer of ungodly night creatures. It'll just heap on the guilt. Just…just   
tell them that I love them, and I'm sorry.  
  
Lots of love,   
Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
  
  
If I don't come back, please open this, Mom. Show it to everyone.  
  
To my family, friends, and Cordelia,  
  
I've got a few minutes to myself before I have to save the world.  
  
That sentence sounds way strange, but it's true. Spike helped me tell my mom   
I'm the Slayer. Which is even stranger, but bear with me. If I have to die to kill   
Angelus, if I have to go with him into hell, I'll do it. I'll do it for all of you, and for   
Angel. Whatever you say Xander, I know that somewhere he's hurting too. I love   
you all. All of you. I'm doing this for all of you. Sorry about the scrappy writing,   
Spike can't drive.  
  
Willow and Xander – you're the best friends anyone could want  
Cordelia and Oz – haven't known you as long, but thankyou for being here, and   
I'm sorry for any hurt I've caused you.  
Dawn & Mom – Love you both.  
Giles – we make a pretty good team, huh? I love you too. Take care, and I mean   
it!  
  
Please remember me, and don't lose touch with each other. Keep strong, and   
never change.   
  
Love Buffy  
  
  
Please open this letter at Buffy Summer's funeral. Read it aloud.  
  
If you're reading this, then I didn't make it. With two death letters under my belt (I   
keep them in the left drawer of my desk) I can safely say I'm an old hand at this.   
A skill which I won't be putting on my resume, if I ever get to have a   
resume…anyway.   
  
Third time lucky, so there's every chance you'll be reading this. I don't know   
who'll be listening. This year my heart has been broken. Angel, I love you. I   
forgive you. This year my friends have fallen in, and out, of love. And back in   
again. Know how precious love is, and don't ever, ever let it go. If I could see, I'd   
be staring at Cordy and Xander right now. Believe me, I made the mistake of   
letting go. Learn from me…hey, it's the only thing I can teach! This year I realised   
that the person I trusted above all could betray me above everyone else, and   
could hurt me. I also realised that I loved him. Giles, I forgive you. You've been   
like a father…you have been a father. Not just to me but to everyone. This year I   
learnt that little sisters can be even more annoying than usual when they want to   
come on slaying trips…Dawn, I love you. And no, you can't have my clothes!   
Mom, I'm sorry that I ran away. Running away never helps. I love you too.  
  
So with all that love, I hope I'm strong enough. I hope you never have to read   
this. If you do, then I want you to know this. For every tear I've cried, there's been   
someone to kiss it away. For every sleepless night, there's been someone to   
help me rest. For every moment of heartbreak, there's been someone to make   
me laugh. For every demon I've slain, there's been someone to tell me how to   
improve my technique…what I'm trying to say is, I've been happy. I died happy.  
  
Love Buffy  
  
  
Please take this to Giles. You're the only one who I know will look out for number   
one, and come out alive. There's a few twenties underneath it.  
  
  
Guys,  
  
Letter number four. I'm pretty sure this is a hobby unique to me…guess I'm just   
lucky. To cut the sarcasm, I am lucky. I hate that things have been so bad   
between us all. I hate that I got so caught up in Riley, and so un-sensitive. I hate   
that I haven't laughed properly for a few weeks. I love you has lost it's meaning.   
You all mean so much more to me than that. Tell Tara that I'm sorry I didn't get to   
know her better, and tell Riley that I love him. Tell Angel that even though we're   
apart, I know he'll always have a place in my heart. Okay, not only as that a   
cliche, it rhymed. Try again. Tell Angel that even though we aren't in love, I'll   
never fall out of love with him. Tell him to smile more, and get Cordelia to buy   
him some brighter coloured clothes.  
  
Tell Spike to get lost, tell my mom that I love her, tell Dawn that I love her. Love,   
love, love. Love makes the world go round. I've got all of you in my heart. You're   
my power. You're what makes me able to go on. For how much longer, I don't   
know.  
  
Goodbye,  
  
Buffy  
  
  
  
Willow, take this to the others and read it.  
  
  
To my family, Spike, Anya, Tara, Cordelia, Wesley and Angel.   
  
I haven't got any more words. I'm so tired of this. Today I went up to my room,   
looked in my drawer. The left drawer of my desk. Four letters. Four more than   
anyone should ever have to write. Four letters with vows of love and friendship.   
Four letters where I told you all about my last requests. About my true feelings.   
About everything. Words you've never seen. Four times I've sat down and tried   
to write what's in my heart. Four times I've left those letters in various hiding   
places. Four times I've taken them back.   
  
Four times I've known that I could die.  
  
How many people can say that? Please read the other letters, they say things so   
much better than this one. You see, in those other letters, I wasn't tired. I was   
alive. I was scared of dying, willing to fight tooth and claw, I was full of love and   
passion and fire.  
  
You know what I'm scared of now? That my fire's all burnt out. The spark in me   
that's kept me going, that's made my soul warm enough to love you all, is dying.   
My love is so overwhelming the only possible option is to die for you. That's how I   
feel. And it's strange…it isn't love for an individual. At this point I really can   
truthfully say that I couldn't let Spike die anymore than Tara, or Angel, or Giles,   
or Xander, or Dawn. I just couldn't.   
  
That was when I knew. That I wasn't just playing the part of the superhero.   
Greater love hath no man…or woman…than he would lay down his/her life for   
his/her friends. And it's true.   
  
So whatever happens tonight, you'll be reading this letter, this final letter. In the   
end it all comes down to how many friends I'd lay down my life for. The answer   
is, every single one. I will die. Maybe that spark hasn't gone yet…I'm crying. But   
not because I'm frightened anymore. Please don't think I'm frightened, please.   
I'm crying because I'll miss you all so much.  
  
I'll miss Xander's smile. I'll miss the way Willow laughs. I'll miss Giles' voice, and   
Anya's bluntness, and Tara's gentleness. I'll miss Spike's eyes and Dawn, god,   
I'll miss you so much…  
  
Wesley, Cordy, Angel…I've missed you for years. I love you all. I do, I love you   
all. I love you. I'll always love you. But this is the work I have to do. Giles, I   
figured it out. When it said in the codex…the first letter…that I had to die, I said I   
accepted it. But I didn't, not really. Now I do. Now I understand. And I'm okay.   
You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong.  
  
The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.  
  
Buffy Anne Summers.  
  
You know what I just realized? After tonight, I'll have saved the world.  
  
A lot.  
  



End file.
